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Once a widow hits 65, the odds for remarriage fall off sharply.

Widowed with children date and remarry with ease or not depending on the age of the children, and believe it or not – adult children can be the worst to deal with when it comes to dating and remarriage with teenagers coming in an unsurprising second. At what magical point in the days, weeks or month after a spouse dies is dating permitted?

I discovered quite quickly that I hated the word, as it emphasised what I've lost.

Nevertheless, in the months after my wife's death, a grieving widower was exactly what I was, all the while trying to keep things together to be a good father.

Most of all, I worry about the impact dating will have on my young children. Would a life of loneliness and sexual frustration make me a more honorable widow? But as I look back on the joy I shared with my husband during our three short years of marriage — the late-night talks, dinner dates in Georgetown, trips to the John F. I gave birth to two beautiful children and am modeling to them hope in the face of adversity. Some lucky man will have the privilege of shaping these young lives.

After a while, though, I realised that eventually I would have to try to fill the gaping hole and I began to think about another aspect of my situation – being single again after 14 years of marriage. One day, my daughter asked me if I was going to get a girlfriend. After a pause, she asked with a hint of excitement: "Will we get a baby brother or sister?

If a scene could sum up some of my first thoughts after my husband died last year at age 28, it would be the scene in the hit BET series “Being Mary Jane,” when Robinne Lee’s character, Avery, lifts up her shirt exposing her stomach full of stretch marks. She had two kids and the body to prove it, and reentering the dating scene seemed too much to handle.

Avery had just found out her husband had cheated, and was wrestling with the decision whether to leave or stay.

The question comes up a lot among widowed and those who are interested in dating them – how soon after the death of a spouse is it considered appropriate to begin dating/or pursuing? Other widowed people like to trot out the tired cliché – It’s such a circular and unhelpful answer that I’d like to ban the phrase from the grief lexicon because given the minefield of rules and expectations surrounding widowhood, asking is the only way to clarify whether the signals you are receiving from your peers, family and friends are about your welfare or their self-interest. Scarlett knew the rules on widowed decorum because society at that time spelled it out. It may have sucked, but everyone was clear on the time frame and waited (while perhaps discreetly lining up suitors for once the deadline had passed). Younger widowed date and remarry sooner, and at higher rates, than older ones.

Attempted to look resolute and somber, smiling wanly as you sat out your “black-shirted” year on the wallflower bench. Whereas the newly broken up or divorced are free to take the field again as soon as they like, the widowed must navigate religious, family and community rules on the subject, and they vary. But, having children or not, being younger or older and your general state of resiliency in the face of tragedy plays into this as well.




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