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OLD MARRIED GUY: Seriously, though: at your age, you could date a vegetarian no problem. Something you do when you're young, then regret later. It's like you're giving me a great reason to date a vegan girl.

YOUNG SINGLE GUY: You're saying I'm going to regret my YOLO tattoo? OLD MARRIED GUY: I dated a girl for 8 years who didn't eat red meat. OLD MARRIED GUY: I've always wondered if vegan girls can swallow.

Learn more about us here, and find out how to submit your work here! Liz Phair Singer, songwriter, writer, and Twitterer. I promised myself, in orange magic marker, that I would remain a virgin until I graduated from high school.

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Anyway, I just don't think I can date a vegetarian.

If my relationship to liver paté was any indication, and I had recently eaten so much that I barfed, then my willpower was very bad, and I needed something stronger than resolve to prevent me from having intercourse too early in life. The opportunity never arose in high school, nor even during the first year of college, save for a near-miss with a stocky kid I knew who was home visiting New York City from the Air Force Academy—that encounter went far enough that I had to fish a mint-colored, never-used condom out from behind my dormitory bunk bed the next day.

I transferred to Oberlin my sophomore year, a small liberal arts school in Ohio that was known for having been the first college to admit both women and men, as well as for its polyamorous, bi-curious student body.

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